OMFG!

I am such a fucking girl. Really. A "blush?" How the fuck does that happen?

Anyways, I don't have my journal with me right now, but I'm going to write from the "heart" today. So let's pick a topic and just rant, okay?

Looks. Appearances. Beauty.

Basically the exterior shell of a person.

At what point does that "not really matter?"

How do I know for sure, that what people is the solid truth?

Recently I've been having issues with my appearance. I want to be a girl, but not too girly to the point that it's "Eew." I want to be able to mingle with guys and have them see me as a person. Not just "a girl."

I grew up, hearing people call me ugly, fat, slut, whore, bitch, cunt, fugly, chimpy, icky, you name it. I know for a FACT that I'm not attractive. I have no sex-appeal whatsoever. If anything, I can plainly see it in other girls.

Now recently I'm being hit on, flirted, and I don't know what else. But a really close friend on mine told me that I was changing. When I asked my friend how so, they only said that they didn't know. I just was.

When I get compliments, I can't help but think that they say it because they feel sorry for me. If I hear it, I won't believe it. If I get with a guy, I know a part of me will doubt if my partner got with me because they were desperate.

I just won't believe.

I'm not sure what to do. I want to try t be girly, but at the same time, I want to be a person. How do I do that?

How do I get people to simply be kind, and sweet to me?

-Poppy Mare

PS: I've been wanting a hug from someone warm for a long time now. And not just any hug. I want a time consuming, warm, heavy hug. I want to snuggle someone. I feel lonely. :(